10. Charge four dollars at the door to perform.
9. Tune your guitar in the car while I pull up to the venue. After I pull up, you must GLARE at me like I'm a big piece of acoustic shit.
8. Have a fully stocked bar...and not one Red Stripe Jamaican Lager in sight!
7. Perform instrumental songs about a fucking mountain.
6. Introduce that the instrumental you're about to perform is about a fucking mountain OPENLY.
5. "Penny Racer...who the hell is THAT?" Thanks for the warm welcome, soundguy.
4. Dance in your seat during "The Vanishing Act." Excuse me, miss. You don't need to visibly display that my music is somehow "moving" you. New age shit like that bugs me.
3. Turn "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" into a song about alcoholism.
2. Turn "Frosty the Snowman" into a song about a Christ-like martyr.
1. Performing for people that are as old as my parents. Mega awkward.
Shit times.
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